What to expect when life surprises you

AFP Expofoto 2012
Caldas da Rainha, Portugal

A couple of months ago I was surprised with an 'invitation' email. I was invited as a guest orator for the 2012 AFP Expofoto seminar (a photography seminar), not only to talk about what I do and my work but also to show it to an international audience! I don't think I even had any kind of singular reaction, to say the truth, as I was too overwhelmed by what I was reading!

I couldn't even believe in my eyes. 

What I want the most is to help my parents back and tough times are emerging around here - I don't think it's anyone's surprise what's happening in Europe when it comes to economy, so... I've been graduated for over a year already -- I have a Bachelor's Degree in Fine Arts & Intermedia --, and haven't find a job yet. Even though I want to rise as an artist, someday, I need some kind of money income to help me out. If I end up working in my area that'll be a plus, honestly.

This invitation can help me out, since I'm showcasing my own work and -- who knows -- I might evoke some interest from someone who's listening to me, and at the same time, watching my work in slideshow. I haven't thought much about it yet. I don't like to 'over think' because when the time comes, everything that I've thought before hand will go down the sink, really. xD

Now, the day is getting close. It will be next monday, already and I'm starting to freak out! The fact that I have a 2-hour drive ahead and that I will be sleeping in an hotel -- even if only for the night --, makes me feel more anxious (I don't really like sleeping out...xD). The awesome thing is that they let me watch every program they're having and guess what! One of my top-favorite fashion-photographers (portuguese, by the way) is a guest orator!! That'll be awesome, really! Maybe I can even ask him for an autograph! xD

I had the idea of printing a few business cards -- I really never had those. I made some by myself and printed them yesterday; they're all here...let's hope I get back here with none. :) I was thinking about shooting a self-portrait tomorrow but I still don't know whether I'll have free time to do it and edit it afterwards... Let's see how it goes! It'd be another piece to show, but I can't rush this stuff, really, otherwise it won't come out as I planned. If I'm not able to shoot it tomorrow I will next week!

Now I need to relax and hope for the best. *deep breath* I'll be part of the 'New Talents' showcase along with another young photographer. Gettin' nervous!

Now to end this entry I will leave you with some external links to where you can find me and my work. If you have accounts there, add me! I'll be happy to see you there!

Facebook Fan Page

Twitter

Flickr

Hope you're all ok and thank you for following! I will post an update about the seminar once I get back! :)

See you soon!

Capturing what's beyond your sight

"A Shaking Heart in an Unsteady Mirror" (Moonlight Wandering outtake)

January, 2012 © Sílvia Dias

I always note down, whether on a loose leaf paper or on my notebook, every idea that crosses my mind, every dream that I find interesting or unusual, or any detail about my childhood that I had just remembered.

Everything counts when it comes to create a new composition.

I've grown as a person for the past 5 years and I like to see in what I've become, although, I feel like I've lost some precious aspects of my personality -- okay, maybe I haven't lost them at all, they're just somewhere asleep. xD That only happened because I've been facing real life after graduation and so: trying to find a job, getting 'older', wanting to help out my parents and not, yet, being able to... Because of that, I was taken back to my childhood, where I'd feel completely free and not having a care in the world; where I wouldn't have any fears and would do anything with all the happiness I could bare within.

This made me start my series of self-portraiture.

I still consider myself as happy and cheerful, but it's like society can't handle us, the 'dreamers' and the 'carefree' persons. It's like we have to follow these stupid rules of behaviour, otherwise we can't have a job or whatsoever. I'm all against that, specially rules, whatever the kind.

I don't follow rules in photography, I usually create my own rules. Let's face it, I'm creating for myself, only, in the first place and I'm the one that has to be pleased before anyone else.

Photography is known worldwide, right? I don't think there's no one that doesn't know what this is. Technology has developed so much that everyone can take a snap using their mobile phone. Photography is used to freeze a moment forever. 

Feeze.

Maybe because my artistic aesthetics have changed for the past couple of years, nowadays a "pretty" photo won't fulfill my desires. It just won't be anything else but a "pretty" portrait, or a glamour one. I need to have something in the composition to make it different and enjoyable, for me. As you have noticed by now, I really love the surrealistic and symbolism artistic eras. Dadaism is also another era that I really enjoy because of its ideals and aesthetics concepts.

I've written a past blog entry about creating what's missing in the composition, about looking beyond your sight and not feeling blocked just because you need something and you don't have it: you *can* create anything. So, if photography freezes a moment, why not capturing movement? And no, I'm not only talking about 'motion blur' effect, but *movement* itself. Kind of a paradox, eh?

Photography shouldn't be limited to this point. You can create whatever you like and even an illusion of the composition still moving.

I love wind and I love its effect on hair, clothing and nature. You don't have wind? Create it! You want something floating on the air? Just do it. Throw it and capture its forms.

I mean, seriously, it's not as I don't like seeing plain "beautiful" photography, but capturing what already exists feels kinda boring for me, now. Even if I'm to capture what's real, I need to make something on my own...

Capture it and show it.

When your work gets misunderstood.

"Moonlight Wandering"

January, 2012 © Sílvia Dias

It's easy to get misunderstood whether you write, paint, draw, photograph, make music, films...anything.

Whenever you put your ideas into motion you are creating something. If you're luck enough -- which really doesn't happen at all -- no one has ever done anything similar to what you're doing. Thing is, that's almost impossible. As one of my previous university teachers used to tell us "You can think of something that's new to you but somewhere, across the planet, someone is thinking about the same exact thing!", or maybe already putting it into motion!

That's something we need to, well, accept. Nothing is new. Not in the arts world, at least. 

I believe that's mainly because everyone has their inspirations, mostly other artists so whenever you create something, you'll be adding some aspect of that artist or whatever helped you to get inspired. Of course it will be different because it will have 99% of you there...only if you're a copy-cat without any personality, that is! You don't want that.

What I love the most when I create something new is exactly that -- knowing that whatever I've just made didn't exist a minute ago. That's so thrilling! Even if someone is doing something similar to my idea, it won't be the same because we have different personalities, views, ways of working...

I personally love colors, specially blue -- you wouldn't say, eh? xD -- and vivid ones. I love motion, out-of-the-box and story-telling situations, even surrealistic ones. I usually get inspired by my dreams -- I can have REAL weird ones sometimes --, movies, music, artistic eras and so on and so forth. I also like to capture emotions and I prefer to catch natural emotions, meaning, I can take a while to end a photo session because I like to make the model comfortable; it's not easy being in front of a camera, it's awfully intimidating! If you're not relaxed your facial expressions will change drastically and that will show on camera. Alot!

I'm usually very cheerful and I like to transmit that into my work so I use colors for that purpose too. Since I like surreal stuff and I've been making works based in my dreams, memories and all, I've been noticing that some feedback I get on those are not exactly what I wanted to transmit.

My works have been slightly misrepresented and misunderstood.

Although the beauty about receiving feedback from different people, that don't even know you, is knowing how they interpret which can provide me new ideas and if they interpret it the same way I do, it fulfills me too.

Then again, as I've said, my recent works have been misunderstood. I've had feedback telling me that they loved the 'dark' and 'gothic' mood, that the posing reminded a "Saint", or that the photo would suit as a cover for a gothic-metal band.

:O!!!

Mind you, I don't have anything against gothic but it's not something I enjoy either, due to the negative connotations behind it. My recent works, even if kind of haunting and emotional, don't have any negative connotations at all.

Maybe the fact that I've asked the model to bring a long black dress it's one of the aspects that led the viewers to think that. I like black clothing because I can turn them, partly, blue. xD It's 'chique' too.

Also, maybe the fact that I use alot of blues and reds... I don't know. It kind of made me feel uncomfortable thinking that it was associated with 'gothic' stuff when it's not. Then I realized: I can't do a thing about it! It's their views, their associations. Even Tim Burton's works are loved by gothic people and I don't think they are at all. They're pretty whimsical and eerie, maybe a little bit haunting but that's all.

I've concluded that it's good when what we do makes so many people think different things. That's what art is supposed to provoke; ain't I right?

Creating what's not there.

"A Touch of Memories"

January 2012 © Sílvia Dias

You know, I really suck at photo-manipulation.

Sometimes I wish that I'd be better at it. Then again, whenever I think about "I should learn about digital manipulations so I can stop bragging about 'not knowing how to do' them!" there's something that holds me back: I suddenly think "Why should I develop manipulation skills? If I end up using them, my photos won't be categorized as 'photography' anymore, and that's *not* what I want".

I really like to see photographs that have a touch of digital manipulation. My opinion about this is really similar to the use of textures in photography, although I'm not that extreme about textures than what I am with heavy manipulations.

Heavy manipulations turn a simple photography into, well, pretty much digital art. Photography is only used as a  base-start, I guess, but whoever does this still categorize it as "Photography" - is it really?

Manipulation has been in continuous use throughout photography's history, meaning, it is something that can or could be done in laboratories. I tend to think like this: if you can do something digitally that you could do in laboratory or in the traditional way, why not give the digital world a chance and accept it? Now, even though manipulations were done in laboratories the final result would still look like photography...and this is exactly what I want to achieve if I end up learning more about manipulations.

Creating what doesn't exist is something that I really love. I don't think art needs to have any kind of boundaries. You are free to create whatever you feel like, whether you use photography or traditional art.

As you all may know for now, I've started using photography because I've always had a hard time passing to the paper whatever was going through my mind, so I found in photography a way to, finally, express everything I'd like to. The fact that I'm not great with manipulation kind of 'holds' me back because I want to create new things. If I want a forest and I don't have any near me, I can shoot between some trees and then work the composition so it will end up looking like a forest - probably an enchanted forest in my case. xD

I only work with 'existing' materials and objects. I don't create anything from zero and I want to continue like that. Heavy manipulations simply don't work for me. I prefer doing everything in real life and then work with I have. I still don't like taking short-cuts.

Stop for a moment and think, while viewing something: what is missing there? Whatever exists is already shown. But what about what isn't shown? It still can exist. Why not? Even if you have to do some simple manipulation to make it real...

You are your best company.

"Attrope-Rêves"

January, 2012 © Sílvia Dias

I've always wanted to do self-portraiture.

Whenever I'd see a beautiful portrait, even if candid, of someone I'd think "How I wish I had something like that!".

I never used to get photographed that much, specially because I didn't like to see myself in most of them, at some point. When I was at my last year of high-school, I made new friends since I was in a new classroom, and we'd photograph a lot. Thanks to that, I've started to enjoy taking photos and seeing myself in them - even if in an awkward pose or expression!

When I started uni, me and my new friends would photograph, almost literally, 24/7!! It was so awesome! We had so much fun, really. I believe we'd photograph any situation and I really have tons and tons of portraits from that time, even a couple of candid captures like how I've always wanted to have! On the next year and the next 3, we wouldn't spend that much time "clicking" so I kind of lost that "emotion" of being photographed. When that happens we really feel like not wanting to do weird faces or posing, anymore - just do the normal and basic: smile and hope for the best, so you can have a good pic of yourself! xD

After starting to work with photography, I'd think about creating self portraits, artistic ones. I've seen photographers doing that and they would just look awesome! Then again, I didn't think I'd be able to do it. For every crazy or cool idea I had, I'd try to find someone to "portray" it and believe me, I'd feel SO envious of the girl who would do it (in a good way of course!)! xD I'd think "Lucky her, she has such a cool portrait now". I always wanted to portray some of my own ideas, for a change but I knew I wouldn't like what I'd see because I didn't feel I'd look good serious (in a photo at least) and smiling wouldn't suit the idea at all.

Last summer I had my last straw when it comes to work with models. I had been feeling that when you try to transmit your own personal ideas to a model and hope that s/he works it out like you want or have in mind, just wouldn't work out anymore. That feeling was gradually getting deeper and more real until, like I said, last summer when I tried to do this homoerotic photo-shoot with a, already known, male model and just didn't work out! It was such an headache to me! So I told myself "I've had it!! I can't rely on others anymore!!".

After that, I had stopped photographing for a couple of months. I was really, really down about the last session and something inside me was getting stronger and alive. I started feeling like I had to do self-portraits. I just had to. So, in September, I shot my my 1st self portrait. And you know what? I loved the experience!

One of the reasons why I covered up my face with my hair was, apart of helping to set the mood and all, to hide my serious expression until I'd feel more comfortable to view it.

"Hide & Seek"

January, 2012 © Sílvia Dias

Nowadays, I don't really mind how I look in shots. I have to keep in mind that we can't always look "good" in a photograph. Motion, light, angles (etc) can make us feel REALLY weird and not as we really are. A photograph is, after all, a 2D picture and just flattens everything, distorting it most of the times. And hey, it's me after all - distorted or not! -, and sometimes even a not so beautiful portrait can become a really creative and interesting one.

And, oh, I'm still working with the "non-identity" thematic on my self-portraiture, along with motion-blur and everything, just because I want to. After all, a portrait doesn't necessary have to show face...or does it?

To be a purist or not - that is the question.

Tea Party III

December, 2010 © Sílvia Dias

I've always wanted to do everything from scratch and not taking any kind of detours or short cuts.

I seriously don't know why I wanted it to be that way and the fact is I still do it that way. I don't think this is something that should be followed as a rule nowadays; we're in plain XXI century and new aspects in art - and in many, many other areas - were developed and enhanced to help us out and at the same time to help us make what we used to but better.

Analog cameras were switched to digital ones, VHS to DVDs, vinyl discs and tapes to CDs... I mean, everything got easier. Although, does it mean it got necessarily better in quality? Many think not. Once I had a teacher that refused to listen to CDs. He said that vinyl discs are the best there is in terms of sound's quality. I do believe in that.

I have a friend that loves to photograph in analog (the girl in the photo above). She says there's magic in film that doesn't exist in a memory card. She usually says "The moment when we develop the film and that anxiety and espectation before checking if it turned out good or not!" - even if it doesn't turn out perfect, it will still be an interesting photo. All that "burn" effect, oh so typical of film, the noise and what-not, are digitally added into digital photography using, for instance, Photoshop. So, if they want it to look that way, why don't they shoot in film?

I know, I know, it can be expensive and it's easier to look right away at the camera's LCD and see how the picture looks: keep it or delete it. Easy. But doing all this, faking analog photos by using a digital camera, isn't like a short-cut?

Don't take me wrong, I like the vintage look that we can create when editing our photos, but that can be created while shooting: high ISO value, deep DoF...and so on. Even ray-lights and some "burn" effects can be achieved, although not exactly like if it was shot in film.

I wouldn't feel well by faking that when I knew my photo was digitally enhanced.

I still paint, but I kind of "gave it a break" after university started. I had been drawing and painting a lot while in classes and I was a little bit fed up with it. I'm getting back at it again, mostly because I miss it. Painting and drawing are basically my roots so I'd get back at it someday.

During uni, some of my teachers told us to buy some "already made" acrylic/oil colors. That was distressful to me! I had never bought those. I only buy the primary colors and, with them, I make any color I want from scratch. I really didn't like buying different reds, greens...gah. But I had to. If I do it nowadays? No. I prefer working with the primary ones.

Now, when it comes to photography, I'm in somewhat a dilemma: I've seen many photographers enhancing their compositions by the use of textures and collages, something that was done in laboratories with film in the past. I really like what I see but I don't feel comfortable by using that because most of them just use a "texture" to cover what's bad or wrong in the photo. I think that a photo needs to be interesting from scratch, even before doing post-editing!

Then again, I have a few photographers that really inspire me and they use it but it's obvious that the usage of textures in their works are not to cover anything but yet to give it another boost and detail - and it works wonderfully!

Now I'm here thinking about my next projects and I'm not sure whether I should give textures a go or not. I would seriously prefer making them for real and literally use them. But you know what? Sometimes it's damn hard to do everything we have in mind and with just one click away we can make it happen...although you'd be taking a short-cut.

So...to be a purist or not to? I still have to figure that out by myself!

Whenever we feel lost, something new is found.

My Blue Autumn

August, 2010 © Sílvia Dias

When I started my artistic path, way back in 2001, I had never thought I would end up working with photography. 

I remember I wanted to be good at drawing and painting. I remember seeing those "photography-like-drawings" - oh so realistic! -, and think to myself "Gosh, I want to be THAT good someday!". One of my closest friends, back then, had that skill. She was born with it. She would practice her drawing and would just get 1000% better after each concluded portrait! As for myself, I sucked big time drawing like that. xD

I was lucky, though. I found out, during classes, I was good at acrylic painting and I LOVED it! What a relief. I knew what way I should go. I was good at basic drawing, loved acrylic painting so it was kind of obvious! I started painting like nuts, always by using a photo. I have a good collection of The Crow movie paintings, based in original movie photos or movie-stills I'd take. Whenever I'd see a beautiful photography, whatever the kind, I'd want to paint it right away. At some point I'd be satisfied by the results but later on I started thinking "This isn't good enough...I have to start creating my own painting and not copy from other's photographs and so". Well, found out I sucked BIG time doing that, too! xD I started university in 2007 and I was a bit reluctant because of that, but I didn't want to give up! I knew I'd find my way.

I got better at painting and drawing although painting continued on being my favorite tool. The problem of "not being able to create anything new" was still my biggest problem, since I really had a HARD time putting into the paper what was going in my mind, until 2009, when I got in touch with photography!

We were literally forced to use that media and even if I liked to see cool photographs, I didn't understand anything about that or was even interested on working with it. We were working in groups of 3 and we had to come up with a concept, take 20 photos and make a stop-motion video using them. I came up with the concept, asked my older brother for some help (he's a journalist and was used to handle a camera), he asked a friend to borrow her camera to me and hope for the best.

I can't describe what I felt when working with it. I felt so FREE! I felt like I owned the world, like I could create anything I wanted and forever capture it in a photograph! I could finally create what I had in mind without struggling with my drawing skills...

After that afternoon I just knew what I had to do.